Friday, January 12, 2007

Bringing ViceroyBack...


Last Sato evening: For the first time in a bit, all but one of the VoK crew were in the same space! Wot?!

After getting to Doni and navigating through what formerly used to be a Rhino Charge route, we finally got to Chi(ku)'s digz. Mad props to her, she who redefined the art of hosting. Some serious soul food was seriously ravaged by the Krew before the endless conversations embedded in partaking of the good stuff began.

The Mgema: Registering the highest GDP per Viceroy bottle (thats Greatest Drinking Pace for the unschooled). This was never gonna end prettily as was witnessed during our pitstop at Buffet Park later that night. One mutura and a sip of soup later, The Mgema proceeded to emblazon the entire carpark in "Mwaauuraaa" grafitti, interspersed in a colourful shade of Bile.

Mickey: As entertaining as always, "Retardinho" was at his best, proving to us that the Mr Nice "Kidali Po" takeu dance fits into any song - using a Matchbox 20 song to prove his point! For the mad entertainment in the ride to Buffet, not to mention renaming Mgema as "Huey Mwaura"..after the barfing sounds made while he was perfecting the art of Oral Food Ejaculation.

Nyakomaber: For bravely attempting to learn how to use the sheng expression "Uma Njaro" without grossly embarrasing herself in the hood or losing her street cred (ha!). 1/2 Viceroy to the person who can get a living sample of "Kashata" for her to sample. Methinks she needs something concrete to match the description of Kashata that was given to her - "a cakey sweet coconuty block...its like soap, only that its sweet, has lots of food colouring, tastes like coconut and you can't use it to take a bath".

Che and Chi(ku): For being great hosts, inviting us and providing copious amounts of homecooked dish and accompanying frothy and 40%+ drinks. Che-dizzl was at his very best behaviour...damn, how things change!

Samurai Ich: Being a witty bum who hogged 3/4 of the couch to provide commentary on anything and everything, and continously entertain us with mad lateral thinking...for navigating us to and from the said venue...did this guy do anything else?

Migz: Sinking to low depths of pain while watching the FA Cup game and seeing Liverpool receive a multi-orificial shagging at the hands (and other extensible body parts) of Arsenal. Madly bounced back, thanks to the quick miti-ni-dawa cures of one Dr. Che's quickly served dose of VAT 69 (we are not selling out, I just needed to taste the contents of this rather strange bottle that I last saw in my zak's liquor cabinet about 20 years ago!).

The Crew reminiscing on all those old, old TV advert jingles that were an integral parts of our lives growing up...not to mention those old crusty-ass Mexican telenovelas...."Luuucia Mendes and Andrrressss Garrccia...in....No One But Juu". Where all this useless info is stored in the memory seems to be the one place that hasnt been eroded by all those Vice shots.

K: Not being able to make it...mami, we missed you. Your fine should be ummm...3 fat (Samurai) fingers of the old Vice, swiftly followed by you singing The Powerpuff Girls theme song at KRaoke...in Mojo Jojo's voice...

Papa didn't roll no stones

Am thinking babies...

Tiny bundles from a woman's womb that have grown ups talking gooey un-comprehensible jibberish.
Leaving the office early to play with. Hubby on sex-diet...those lil 'uns that make leave before the next rao - hakuna maziwa nyumbani. You fight with the Sacco officials every end year, trying to get that school fees loan, because in Dec you want to treat the family to coasto...lunch becomes an alien lingo...the GP's phone number is on speed dial...you have to constantly remind them the right hand to greet people with, '...hapana mom, vaa kwa hiyo mguu ingine!"..."si uambie auntie jina yako!"...."leo mlisoma nini shule?"...."daddy sina pesa ya kukununulia bike...".....et al et al



then they reach sixteeen, and they tell you you don't knnow anything ..."wewe daddy ni mshao!!"!!! "Mom, you don't love me!!" " I hate you!!!" this is my room,you CAN'T come in!!" "...I won't go to this school anymore!!"..blah blah blah

MURDER WAS THE CASE THAT THEY SERVED ME!