Why you must drink TODAY - And EVERY day!

This came as a forward, and I know wisdom has to be shared, and to the fools, knowledge imparted! As a crew that strongly believes in the gift of the drink, we need to recruit more believers, as well as remind ourselves, and those amongst us with shaky faith, of our core values - DRINKING Viceroy!

"As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in Water there is bacteria.

In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.

However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit.

AMEN!

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing it as a public service.

Bachelor's Saviour

Just when it looked like all hope was lost for bachelors with no kitchen skills, some hardworking bachelor who can't cook (but can create machines for the same) came up with an invention tht will help the like of my-boy (last post)..... gone are the days when bachelors sleep hungry coz the mama(s) in their lives are not around! This - is - a revolution!

we shall not eat dry bread - tosti - anymore!


if we can figure out how to multi-task.......

Take yee this bread of life!

A simple incident last night brought out some much needed humour on a cold. rainy friday night.... and reminded me how harsh bachelor life can be!

It all started out with an email, a sad one, about home-boy's guka's demise. As in norm, a (requiem mass) prayer had been arranged at one of the many halls some of our local churches
have. It was one of those fridays when you feel it's all gloom - maybe a symptomatic of the occasion...

We'd left the house at around six, headed to town via Museum Hill, and as (Hell only knows) it always happens that a little shower is recipe for madness on the roads. So while it took three minutes to Museum, it took twenty from there to St. Andrews, distance of exactly one Km! Of course, it didn't help that the boys in blue were 'directing' traffic traffic (that's a storo for another day)! I digress..

So we reach the church, where the dearly beloved (and bereaved) are gathered in a somber mood, going through the modalities of the day, and then the madam speaker announces (as she is closing the occasion) that there is a cup of tea... and there home-boy steps up! You see, he's just moved out, and cooking skills are BILA (actually, 'duru za kuaminika' very reliable word has it that he can't make chai to save his life) and you see we gat a problem! But ome-boy has it figured out... not to worry! So iko chai, na mgadi?!




Let's just say, he had to clean bread crumbs from his jacket on saturday morning.

Bummer!

I hate that word, as most things of Uncle Sam's tribe!

Anyway, just wondering: If I say that what I've said was not a lie, is that (statement) a lie?

Kopi-Luwak : My take

as uninformed as it is, this stuff sounds like a Sudanese last born. Ladies, like Ath I'm apologizing before... With Migz enjoying trappings from In-da-Asia, the mention of Chinese Tea reminded me of something. Isn't that like the disgusting coffee they're selling from some regurgitated coffee beans from some forest in-effing-not-in-the-map country?! WAIT -It's you-guessed-it; INDO-FUCKING-NASIA!! For the uneducated, the world’s rarest coffee bean gains its unique flavor by being passed through the gastro-intestinal tract of an Indonesian civet cat (attached) et al!! Sip that with pork and your intestines will never know how proper food ever tasted like - no wonder those smushins don't nona - the system's in shock from the day you were born!!!!

Bro, please watch out! You could come back with female genitalia (I prefer gonads), chuti complexion, slight accent....

Natural Mystic

I don’t know many things, I don’t understand quite a lot of them. But I know I play a role in them, as they do in me. As my Management Information lecturer would say, you have no control over your immediate environment. You can’t define your personal space; there are too many factors in play for you to. The Karma if you may; you need it as much as it needs you... In the course of our lives, we meet and interact with many people who may or may not touch our lives.

I’ve lost a NICE colleague who’s interaction with my path has left me the richer...After more than a month in ICU, and two and a half in hosie, her journey’s ended. What really affects me is, I had a chance to pass by the hospital just a few hours before her demise, and something inside refused..it JUST REFUSED!! But with the twists that this life is, I was restless the entire evening - I had to induce sleep!! Only to wake up and get the sad news of passing.

And I’m left wondering, which would’ve hurt more; not going and her passing just a few later, or going and her passing a few later, and saying “I was just with her earlier?”.....

I celebrate life

RIP MNM

Bringing ViceroyBack...

Last Sato evening: For the first time in a bit, all but one of the VoK crew were in the same space! Wot?!

After getting to Doni and navigating through what formerly used to be a Rhino Charge route, we finally got to Chi(ku)'s digz. Mad props to her, she who redefined the art of hosting. Some serious soul food was seriously ravaged by the Krew before the endless conversations embedded in partaking of the good stuff began.

The Mgema: Registering the highest GDP per Viceroy bottle (thats Greatest Drinking Pace for the unschooled). This was never gonna end prettily as was witnessed during our pitstop at Buffet Park later that night. One mutura and a sip of soup later, The Mgema proceeded to emblazon the entire carpark in "Mwaauuraaa" grafitti, interspersed in a colourful shade of Bile.

Mickey: As entertaining as always, "Retardinho" was at his best, proving to us that the Mr Nice "Kidali Po" takeu dance fits into any song - using a Matchbox 20 song to prove his point! For the mad entertainment in the ride to Buffet, not to mention renaming Mgema as "Huey Mwaura"..after the barfing sounds made while he was perfecting the art of Oral Food Ejaculation.

Nyakomaber: For bravely attempting to learn how to use the sheng expression "Uma Njaro" without grossly embarrasing herself in the hood or losing her street cred (ha!). 1/2 Viceroy to the person who can get a living sample of "Kashata" for her to sample. Methinks she needs something concrete to match the description of Kashata that was given to her - "a cakey sweet coconuty block...its like soap, only that its sweet, has lots of food colouring, tastes like coconut and you can't use it to take a bath".

Che and Chi(ku): For being great hosts, inviting us and providing copious amounts of homecooked dish and accompanying frothy and 40%+ drinks. Che-dizzl was at his very best behaviour...damn, how things change!

Samurai Ich: Being a witty bum who hogged 3/4 of the couch to provide commentary on anything and everything, and continously entertain us with mad lateral thinking...for navigating us to and from the said venue...did this guy do anything else?

Migz: Sinking to low depths of pain while watching the FA Cup game and seeing Liverpool receive a multi-orificial shagging at the hands (and other extensible body parts) of Arsenal. Madly bounced back, thanks to the quick miti-ni-dawa cures of one Dr. Che's quickly served dose of VAT 69 (we are not selling out, I just needed to taste the contents of this rather strange bottle that I last saw in my zak's liquor cabinet about 20 years ago!).

The Crew reminiscing on all those old, old TV advert jingles that were an integral parts of our lives growing up...not to mention those old crusty-ass Mexican telenovelas...."Luuucia Mendes and Andrrressss Garrccia...in....No One But Juu". Where all this useless info is stored in the memory seems to be the one place that hasnt been eroded by all those Vice shots.

K: Not being able to make it...mami, we missed you. Your fine should be ummm...3 fat (Samurai) fingers of the old Vice, swiftly followed by you singing The Powerpuff Girls theme song at KRaoke...in Mojo Jojo's voice...

Papa didn't roll no stones

Am thinking babies...

Tiny bundles from a woman's womb that have grown ups talking gooey un-comprehensible jibberish.
Leaving the office early to play with. Hubby on sex-diet...those lil 'uns that make leave before the next rao - hakuna maziwa nyumbani. You fight with the Sacco officials every end year, trying to get that school fees loan, because in Dec you want to treat the family to coasto...lunch becomes an alien lingo...the GP's phone number is on speed dial...you have to constantly remind them the right hand to greet people with, '...hapana mom, vaa kwa hiyo mguu ingine!"..."si uambie auntie jina yako!"...."leo mlisoma nini shule?"...."daddy sina pesa ya kukununulia bike...".....et al et al



then they reach sixteeen, and they tell you you don't knnow anything ..."wewe daddy ni mshao!!"!!! "Mom, you don't love me!!" " I hate you!!!" this is my room,you CAN'T come in!!" "...I won't go to this school anymore!!"..blah blah blah

MURDER WAS THE CASE THAT THEY SERVED ME!